destroyer

ive been thinking a lot about destruction...

kali

the destroyer

i want to begin by saying that kali has a bad name...
all things must be destroyed and contain destruction in their cycle
but there is something you know that is in me a prevelent part that has emerged that is destruction... destruction of myself... as though i think i can take on the ills of those around me... deny myself things the i am... for the benefit of those around me... or of someone... and somehow i think this is okay...

its an addiction

self destruction is an addiction

but i do feel paralyzed... a paralysis against it... i can't stop

i am not looking to e loved... i am not looking to be like some one...
i just dont understand ... i guess i dont feel like there is much reason or purpose to me without certain things... what is the point of the rest... maybe...

i dont feel sad really... i dont feel much... i am just looking... at a destroyer... a destructive force and asking why...