Friday, September 19, 2008

Monday, September 8, 2008


ive been thinking a lot about destruction...


the destroyer

i want to begin by saying that kali has a bad name...
all things must be destroyed and contain destruction in their cycle
but there is something you know that is in me a prevelent part that has emerged that is destruction... destruction of myself... as though i think i can take on the ills of those around me... deny myself things the i am... for the benefit of those around me... or of someone... and somehow i think this is okay...

its an addiction

self destruction is an addiction

but i do feel paralyzed... a paralysis against it... i can't stop

i am not looking to e loved... i am not looking to be like some one...
i just dont understand ... i guess i dont feel like there is much reason or purpose to me without certain things... what is the point of the rest... maybe...

i dont feel sad really... i dont feel much... i am just looking... at a destroyer... a destructive force and asking why...

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

interesting... what do you think?

So... interesting thing... my last post is not here!!

oh well...

so today I looked at my chinese horoscope again... how depressing...

well it seems that my best years are behind me... if i am to have any relationship, it is over... and for the next 7 years, I will be within the worst years of my life...

what do you think?

as i am not so sure that it is so off, i am a little depressed...


last night i had an interesting dream... a card arrived... filled with little notes and adoration... she sent a lot of gooey love stuff... an anniversary... weird

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

the little love

i cant seem to sleep... my thoughts
turning to the little love...

i see the little love
in many different scenes

i see the little love
wrapped up in a lovers

remember that night outside of town
when he wished he was
with the little love
she might be lonely?

i do
i remember

the little love

Friday, August 22, 2008

the land of enchantment

so i am roughly 6ish weeks from moving 1059 miles... in a way many aspects of my life are resolving themselves... and in a way others are just as complicated... today i woke up and resolved myself to concentrating on the building and working here today... but i guess i feel a little done with working and i just want to travel... or make my jewelry or sew some stuff...

i do think it is funny to see the things i feel like doing and looking honestly at what i would like my life to look like.

i do think this move is a step in that direction... in the direction of motion... in the direction of a good future...

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Wednesday, August 6, 2008


today is a dream day...

different from other dreams...

today is a sober dream...

a dreamy person am I ...

but they are not ususally so sober...

interesting element...

that is sobriety... in dreams

i wonder these days between real and

make-believe... knowing the elements of reality fall into

those made up scenarios

but that they are in fact

products of my insecurities

products of my mind

and now


interesting these nuances

effect the dreams, not

not in the slighest

or perhaps they do

but there is no sadness


only love

a rich love

an infinite love

no need for understanding



no fear

or fakery